John Cleese on Terrorism:
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”
Soon, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated,” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since “The Blitz” in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher Levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the Old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be all right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!” and “The Barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person
It is only an hour’s drive to Port Douglas from Cairns, but being in Port Douglas always makes me feel as if I was on an overseas holiday. Stunning Four Mile Beach and the fashionable street provide a gorgeous relaxing atmosphere. Not only that, Port Douglas has an enduring classic and unique aspect to it.
Through my experience selling holiday properties in Port Douglas, I have met lots of people from other states and countries who visit there every year. They say they just love the place and keep coming back to good old Port. Port Douglas is special.
We went to restaurant called Bucci on Macrossan St and had a lovely meal the other day. I was pleasantly surprised to exceed my expectation regarding typical tourist town food as the meals were first class.
The businesses in Port Douglas have struggled recently due to the tourism downturn especially since cyclone Yasi. However, I believe this beautiful town will get through the recent tough times and have a renewed gold period of popularity. It is simply a precious and rare commodity like gold.
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What Cairns needs right now is a vision for the future. Relying only on tourism is proving to be a very risky business model. The economy of Cairns needs a second industry, its import that this new industry compliments the tourism industry and doesn’t detract from it. To my way of thinking we have very few practical options other than the very obvious.
Education! An academic revolution providing facilities for both international and national students would invigorate Cairns with youth and prosperity. Training centres, research centres even the possibility of a second university would perfectly dovetail in with tourism.
The industry could grow in the way of small boutique centres to the large and magnificent, both being funded privately and by government. We already have the James Cook University, Tropical North Queensland institute of Tafe and some English Language Centres that have pioneered the way forward to present. However to date they lack co-ordination and marketing to become an industry.
Imagine Cairns being an exotic brand for education that appeals to students as the place to come and study. We could also specialise in tropical, environmental, agricultural and marine sciences. People coming from all over the world to obtain degrees and qualifications would add a well needed dimension to the Cairn way of life but also the economy.
Buildings would need to be built, the teacher fraternity would need housing, and the students would rejuvenate the rental market. I would also guess that all the mums and dads of the students would want to book a holiday and visit their children adding strength to the tourism industry.
Turning the conceptual into reality will need public support, a strategy combined with leadership, government funding and most importantly private financing. This is not an original concept and there have been many that have tried before to create a grander vision for Cairns as an educational hub. The time is right to get smart about a second industry for Cairns. I would be very interested in your opinion and would welcome any comment regarding this blog by way of email to email@example.com